DISCLAIMER: Many of the life choices depicted in this story are not suggested, and some were just outright stupid.
My first husband and I got married when I was 17 and he was 18. My dad didn’t come to my wedding. He said it was because he didn’t like what I was doing and wasn’t going to condone by walking me down the aisle to give me away. My mother had to sign a waiver so that I could actually get married that young. No, I wasn’t pregnant. We actually waited 2½ years before we had our little boy. We separated 3 weeks after our 5 year anniversary, and divorced officially 10 months later. When we separated, we knew it was for good. We didn’t play games trying to work our way through the hurt we put each other through… We moved forward in our lives.
About 2 months after we separated, my ex-husband started dating a good friend of his. Let’s not forget, we were completely done, so I was totally okay with it. After 8 months of separation, I also started dating someone. I had no intention of meeting anyone and certainly wasn’t looking to begin a relationship, but that’s what happened. He was really nice and funny and we got along really well. My dad met him and automatically didn’t like him. He said he just knew that he wasn’t good for me. I, of course, was like, “You don’t know what kind of guy is good for me.” Needless to say, we didn’t spend all that much time with my dad together.
After I started dating this guy, I started getting tattoos because his sister is a really super awesome tattoo artist. My first one was small and on my back, not immediately visible. My dad just rolled his eyes. My second one was for the finalization of my divorce, which happened 2 months into this relationship. The tattoo was a big flower on my side in bright colors. My dad rolled his eyes even more, but said that he did like the artwork.
My relationship started becoming rocky because my ex-boyfriend and I had big-time communication issues. It was weird because we liked each other, but we hated each other at the same time. He was really nice and funny and we got along, until the important stuff came up. Then we couldn’t stand each other.
With my ex-husband, I was more of the assertive type. I have always been that way. I was the one who handled business. With my ex-boyfriend, I couldn’t even broach the subject of business to be handled. It was an uncomfortable relationship process that our relationship could not effectively support.
My dad still didn’t like my ex-boyfriend and his dislike grew every time he would jump between jobs. He said that this guy wasn’t supporting me. I said that we were both supporting our household… which was true most of the time. Then that became a relationship issue. Since I was used to handling the business, I handled the bills. He would always put his check in the bank, but then he got upset, saying that all he ever did was sign his check over to me. We weren’t really big spenders or anything, and all spending was always agreed upon, so I was confused by his frustration. It was as if he felt like I was spending all his money and I still had mine. But that was another of our constant misunderstandings. We continued to have a super tight budget, but we got by and had the things we needed.
Then after Christmas, we couldn’t meet rent… because it was Christmas and we were unwise in our holiday budgeting. So… we broke our lease and moved out. I ended up paying the court costs and back rent months later. My dad knew all along this would happen, he said. I always would tell him that he’s got to give people the benefit of the doubt and stop being so harsh about their characters.
At the time that we broke the lease and moved out, we ceased living together and were, supposedly, still together. We rarely talked or saw one another. I tried to contact him way more than he tried to contact me. It was rough. My divorce wasn’t nearly as hard as this was. I think it’s because I saw so much in him as a person, even though in a relationship, we couldn’t function. It was really hard to let go. I prayed and prayed. Let me just let you know that I was saved at the age of 14 and knew better than to make these poor choices.
I started praying that God would just handle it for me because I didn’t know what in the world I was doing. I later learned that we call that “giving it to God”. I didn’t know you could do that and I certainly didn’t know that God expected that of me. I thought I was asking Him to undeservingly handle my problems for me and that I was somehow just giving up. This guy and I did sporadically keep in contact and were fairly good friends after a while. We would call each other for a ride sometimes or help the other out if they needed it.
A couple months after he and I separated, my dad went to the hospital with a double pulmonary embolism; large clots in the arteries going to his lungs. His lungs were half-filled with clots, as well. The doctors couldn’t believe that he was even alive with so much blockage. They said there was no way air or blood or anything should be able to flow. I really needed someone with me. I called my ex-boyfriend to sit with me at the hospital and he said he couldn’t because he was too tired. I was completely let down. I was there for him when he needed… why couldn’t he be there for me?
That’s when I got my third tattoo. It was an anatomical “dad” heart on my ribs, with a bandaid on it for the crisis my dad had suffered. My dad pulled through and was a little off after that because he had also had some strokes. He was doing really well though. He didn’t like that I got another tattoo, but again, liked the artwork.
My ex-boyfriend and I kept going back and forth trying to decide if we were going to try to have a relationship or not. I knew that we weren’t or couldn’t successfully, so again I prayed. Then I got in contact with my high-school sweetheart. We talked about rekindling our relationship, but that didn’t work because he was in the military and so far away. I thought my little heart could wait, and it probably could have, but I realized that a relationship was absolutely not a good idea.
My dad kept having strokes and one day he asked a favor of me. He asked me to find someone for him. I thought he was looking for an old friend again. I asked him who he wanted me to find and what he said surprised me. He wanted me to find someone to take care of my son and me. He knew he wouldn't be around forever, and it seemed to be coming faster. I told him that I don't know who that would be, considering I wasn't in a relationship and didn't know anyone suitable for the job... Nor was I interested.
I have frustrated my dad way too many times in my life. I'm sure I contributed to his graying and loss of hair, which I finally convinced him to shave when I was in high school. After that, my dad embraced his baldness. Apparently, there is a bond between guys with shaved heads that is unspoken, but we'll go there in a minute. Anyway, I caused my dad more than his share of disappointments, but he always was there. He was there even after we had a huge and unnecessary, but incredibly hurtful blowout when I was in high school.
A very good friend of mine (since 5th grade) was talking to me one day and told me to go on this guy's facebook because he was sooooo cute. She was telling me about him and wanted me to check him out. I thought she wanted my approval, but after I looked at his page, she told me that she wanted me to meet him. Now, let's don't forget that I had only just recently okayed myself in my singleness and moved on from these unhealthy relationships I had been in or considered being in. And this girl thought I should meet someone. We interviewed each other on our first day of knowing one another and found that we were both very satisfied with the other's character.
He and I spent every single day of those three weeks together, and he was able to meet and spend time with my dad, who was now in and out of the hospital. This new suitor shaves his head, and my dad immediately bonded with him. My dad couldn't talk very clearly at this point, but gestured his approval of the hairstyle (or lack of) by patting his head and grinning. My dad told him that I was his "number 1" and my suitor told my dad that he hope I would be his "number 1", as well. My dad liked that idea. This was completely weird to me because my dad hadn't liked anyone ever that I had ever dated in the history of time. And now, he was liking this guy that I met just a few days earlier. My dad's brain function was declining dramatically every day and we got to a point where we had to communicate with him by writing notes so that he could actually look at them and take time to process the message. My suitor wrote a note to my dad that said, "May I marry your daughter?" A cross look came over my dad's face and then he grinned really big and nodded his head "yes". I was shocked. I guess that was the guy he wanted me to find that I had no intention of meeting.
We got married and three weeks later, my dad died from an aneurysm from all the strokes and blood thinners. He didn't get to come to my wedding because he was so ill, but I know his heart was with me. It seems like my dad knew all along just what I needed.
Isn't it crazy how God is the same way? He is our Daddy. Our BIG Daddy. He knows what's best and gives us direction in our paths, although we don't always choose to listen. Then, He uses our bad choices to teach us lessons, so as to improve on our character. I figured out that my really bad decision to live sinfully with my ex-boyfriend causing an incredibly hard relationship was used as a refining tool in my life. I told you I was the business handler in my first marriage. During this other relationship, I was broken down. I was refined by my BIG Daddy, and my character became well-rounded after the healing came. Because of this, my husband and I have a well-balanced marriage. We have equal and loving respect for the other. My husband is my head, as the Lord intended. I am able to let him handle business, and it feels good to get to relax and let him do his job as a husband.
My dad and my Dad knew all along what I needed. I took the long way around, but I finally got there. The thing is, both of them were always patient and loving with me. They waited on me and guided me. They picked me up when I stumbled. I was blessed with an incredible earthly dad, my relationship with my dad was certainly not without it's faults.
The awesome thing is that my Father is also your Father. He is your BIG Daddy. He is here to love you and guide you, but it is up to you to choose to listen. The choices you make take you down a path. Where will you end up?
Matthew 7:13-14, "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.
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