I recently began experiencing one of the toughest times in my life, and have learned something about myself. My faith in God is the strongest when I am praying for others because I can see God working in their lives as we pray. I see broken and hurting people who approach me for prayer come back to me the following week at church with peace in their hearts and a report of praise of the Lord working to heal their struggles.
I have also learned that my trust seems to falter when it comes to my own struggles. Why? I know that Elijah experienced the same thing. Even after the miraculous victories that God gave him, he still became frightened when his life was threatened by Queen Jezebel and ran to the wilderness. Elijah should have known that God would protect him, especially after the amazing things God had already done.
For others, I have an incredible love and compassion that only God has given me, which causes me to pray harder, listen harder, and love harder. When it comes to me, though, I sometimes begin to feel unworthy of asking for help from God. I know we ask and shall receive, but I worry that I still may fall. I am just a servant, just a sinner saved by grace. I start to wonder, “Why would He help me?”
Of course, I know better. I know deep down how God sees me. I know he loves me, just as I love my son. So, what is my problem? As I was thinking about all of this, a song came on the radio that was about a man broken down. He was desperate and said, “…praying to a God that I don’t believe in.” That hurt me because I KNOW the Lord exists and works and lives, just as you or I exist and work and live.
I have a hard time just giving my situation over to God for Him to handle. He can handle it way better than I can, but I feel responsible to handle it myself. I feel like if I just let it go, I have made no effort and why would God help a man who won’t help himself. My wife reminds me that I have been responsible and if I don’t hand it over to God, I am actually refusing His help. As I asked the Lord for forgiveness for not trusting Him, another song came on called “Everything Falls” by Fee...
You said You'd never leave or forsake me
When you said this life is gonna shake me
You said this world is gonna bring trouble on my soul
This I know
When everything falls apart, Your arms hold me together
When everything falls apart, You're the only hope for this heart
When everything falls apart, And my strength is gone
I find you mighty and strong, You keep holding on, You keep holding on
When I see the darkness all around me
When I see the tragedy has found me
I still believe Your faithful arms will never let me go
And still I know
When everything falls apart, Your arms hold me together
When everything falls apart, You're the only hope for this heart
When everything falls apart, And my strength is gone
I find you mighty and strong, You keep holding on, You keep holding on
Sorrow may last for the night but hope is rising with the sun
Its rising with the sun there will be storms in this life
But I know You will overcome
When everything falls apart, Your arms hold me together
When everything falls apart, You're the only hope for this heart
When everything falls apart, And my strength is gone
I find You mighty and strong, You keep holding on
When everything falls apart, Your arms hold me together
When everything falls apart, You're the only hope for this heart
When everything falls apart, And my strength is gone
I find You mighty and strong, You keep holding on, You keep holding on
These were exactly the words I needed to hear. God is absolutely a man of His word. I need to be a man of my word, in that I will put my trust back in Him, as I promised I would do when I was 8 years old.
Thank You, Lord, for being patient.
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